Bullying

Bullying

By Anna Simulis

 We hear so much these days about bullying.  Often we think of obvious and heinous acts by older children involving chronic name calling and physical assault. Unfortunately, bullying is starting younger and younger but we can sometimes dismiss it as just “being mean” and miss an opportunity to talk with young children about this serious topic.  Children who are bullied are often shy, withdrawn or lack self-esteem.  This makes them perfect targets for the bullies who, contrastingly, are often strong-willed and natural leaders.  However, more and more people are finding that those that bully only present as self-confident and are really masking their own insecurities of wanting to be liked or popular and as a result are bullying peers so that the focus shifts from themselves.  This is important because both the bully and the bullied need help in finding better ways to interact with peer and addressing underlying self-image issues.

It is also important to remember that bullies are not always the biggest and strongest.  There is a rise of “mean girl” behavior that has unfortunately become socially acceptable and has been heightened by social media.  Bullying occurs when there is inequality in a relationship, “the power imbalance can come from a number of sources—popularity, strength, cognitive ability—and children who bully may have more than one of these characteristics.” (stopbullying.gov).

Do:

• Intervene immediately.
• Separate the kids involved.
• Make sure everyone is safe.
• Meet any immediate medical or mental health needs.
• Stay calm. Reassure the kids involved, including bystanders.
• Model respectful behavior when you intervene.

Avoid these common mistakes:

• Don’t ignore it. Don’t think kids can work it out without adult help.
• Don’t immediately try to sort out the facts.
• Don’t force other kids to say publicly what they saw.
• Don’t question the children involved in front of other kids.
• Don’t talk to the kids involved together, only separately.
• Don’t make the kids involved apologize or patch up relations on the spot. (stopbullying.gov). 

Above all, we want the kids in our care to feel safe and free to be themselves.  Let your kiddos know that it is not tattling to tell when someone is saying hurtful things are someone could be in danger.  Remembering the age old saying, “sticks and stones can break your bones but words can break your heart,” let’s keep in mind that you do not have to be “sensitive” to be hurt by unkind words and let’s face it you do not have to have a good memory for those comments to stay with you for a lifetime.  Try this strategy: read the book How Full is Your Bucket and put a clear jar in a high traffic area and any time someone is caught being kind they can put a cotton ball or pompom in the bucket.  When the bucket is full the group earns a reward.  Check out www.stopbullying.gov for webisodes to discuss with your group and other helpful hints.